Hard Running

Today, after what feels like many, many months of preparation I will be running what promises to be a rather wet, windy and grueling 10k.  My original plan when I started training was to blog my progress weekly, hoping to keep track of blisters, minor ailments and training woes on my way to great athletic heights.  Unfortunately, my desire to do this was cut rather short, together, in truth with my desire to do anything at all.  Running is really hard.  Running when it takes every ounce of will power to get out of bed and leave the house with clean teeth and matching shoes is something close to impossible.  Sadness sucks.  Hard.

Over the past few months I have discovered the wonder of an upward emotional cycle driven by exercise – endorphin's really are pretty cool little things – and when the going has been good I have felt better than I have for years and prouder of myself than I can remember.  Being naturally obsessively hard on myself this really is a massive achievement.  It’s just that sometimes getting in to the upward cycle has required more than I have.   Small injuries which should have meant a day or two off from training gave me an (subconscious) excuse for a week of evenings spent lying on the sofa in an emotional slump that at the time I felt I would never get out of.   Sometimes even without the excuse of aches and pains my emotional state left me feeling too bruised to do anything, despite knowing that logically that going for a run would be the best thing I could possibly do.

 

After several weeks of darkness I started to feel that perhaps this was something that I couldn’t do.  Not physically, I have always known that completing the course in a vaguely sensible time (basically before they pack everything down) would be a close to impossible task, but the idea of completing the course when I couldn’t imagine anything other than going to sleep for a very, very long time, preferably several years, was slipping further and further away. 

I’m very lucky.  At the point where I thought I’d lost my cheer leader and felt my lowest and loneliest I was reminded that I have many people in my life cheering me on and supporting me.  I went home, smelt the sea air and tried my hardest to feel vaguely normal.  The love and support of my friends and family gave me the push I needed to get back onto the upwards cycle.  I reminded myself why I was running and also how lucky I am to have a life to lead when others have theirs cut so short.  This wasn’t easy but I am stubborn.  I haven’t let anyone break me yet, I wasn’t prepared to be broken by myself. 

I have learnt that I need stability and routine, and that I need access to the people I care about most.  When those things are taken away everything starts to unravel worryingly quickly but they can also be fixed, I just need to allow myself to be supported by the people who care about me.  None of us can do everything alone.    That support helped me to get back on my feet and back pounding the pavements, paths, roads and anywhere else I could think of to run and keep myself busy and interested.  The ongoing support of my friends, family and total strangers has kept me going and kept me getting out of bed.  The support and encouragement of Grahams family in particular has been invaluable.   Running is really hard.  Running when you know you have support and encouragement is slightly easier. 

I haven’t written this piece as a sob story or as a thinly veiled memo on depression, nor have I written it to prove that my life is any more difficult that anyone else’s, there will be people running today who have over come far more than me I have no doubt – we are all climbing mountains.   I am writing it because these words have been going around in my head for months and need to be released.  I am writing it to remind myself that I have overcome more than physical barriers, that I can carry on from what seems like the end of the world. That I am proud of myself for doing something I didn’t think I could do.  Lets go running. 

Opinions on Hopinions

This week as part of their regular Twitter poll the lovely chaps at The Beer O’Clock Show asked a rather interesting question:

After consideration I have voted “Who cares?” and following a couple of slightly badly phrased tweets to try and argue this point and a failure to fit my thoughts into 140 characters I hope the below will explain my thinking.  

Yes, I’m sure that the input of big beer can effect quality in a negative manner however I feel strongly that the assumption that this is always the case is short-sighted at best.  It works on the theory that all “big beer” is bad and all “small beer” is good which is simply not the case.   I’m sure that in some cases a “big beer” takeover has had negative effects but there are also ample reasons to be believe it could have a positive effect as well. 

More capital and better infrastructure can surely have a very positive effect – better ingredients at lower prices, more consistency, good beer available to more people (although clearly those poor uneducated souls who choose to buy discounted beer in Tesco’s don’t deserve anything decent as they slowly erode “craft” beer bottle by bottle…), better logistics, higher turnover of product meaning fresher beer for the consumer, more marketing spend increasing awareness (although presumably if you’re the person who needs marketing to be made aware of a beer you too don’t deserve to drink it), bigger lab facilities for better QC etc etc.  The list goes on.  I am not for a moment saying that smaller breweries don’t already have these things or that being made in a smaller brewery means that QC etc would be lacking, I am purely trying to point out that there can be positive as well as negative effects.

Whenever takeovers, investment or mergers are discussed the phrase “selling-out” seems to be bandied about with gay abandon.  It’s an interesting concept.  Are we saying that brewery owners aren’t allowed an exit strategy or to try to grow their businesses?  That having worked for years to build a business that someone would want to purchase they should refuse the money because otherwise they will be stripped of their craft colours and be condemned to drink nothing but the latest reincarnation of Watney’s Red Barrel for the rest of their lives.  You never know, the beer could taste good and they get to sit happily for the rest of their life basking in the security of money in the bank – not bad.  What if a medium sized local brewery invested in or purchased a smaller brewer who was struggling to grow and could do so under their umbrella with help and support.  Would that still be considered selling-out?

In any other business sector growing to be so successful that you can float or sell your business would be seen as a great achievement, in beer it’s seen as making a deal with the devil.  Do I think that selling a major share in your business weeks after promising that would never happen is a good way to behave?  No, not really, but maybe pressure from the industry, bloggers, customers and beer-communicators compels people to say what they think we want to hear.  Just a thought.

    

So what are the alternatives?  You want to grow your brewery or get out and enjoy the rest of your life but don’t want to be hunted through the street with pitchforks by an army of angry beer drinkers who have survived on nothing but hops and haziness for the past three years? You could sell privately to another individual.  To my mind this probably has a higher chance of influencing the quality of the beer but it’s less likely to cause Twitter uproar.  You could seek investment from banks, individuals or investment groups but that could increase pressure for increased profit, cost-cutting and business growth – the exact same things which many people who have voted yes to the poll cite as the things which would eventually cause beer quality to deteriorate with a “big beer” takeover.  I’m not a business expert, I don’t have the answer.  I also don’t think it’s my place to judge how others run their businesses.

Maybe we should have a little more faith in the people whose products we have admired for so long.  It’s possible that they might actually know what they are doing.  Surely if anyone is going to care about what happens to their beers it’s the person who created them in the first place.

To me whether beer is good or not has nothing to do with who it’s owned by and everything to do with how it tastes.  If it’s well made and tastes good (no brewing taints etc) then all is well in the world.  As far as I’m aware there isn’t a tasting note lurking in the far dark corners of Untappd which reads “Juicy hops, balanced sweetness but with an overwhelming sense of buy-out bitterness”.  Does the beer taste good? Great!  Does the beer taste bad?  Not so great.  Simple.   And if you don’t like it, drink something else.   

There will be two more Beer O'Clock polls this week, look out for them on Twitter at @BeerOClockShow, check out the Beer O'Clock Show blog here and subscribe to the podcast on the device of your choice,  it's well worth it.   

Run Beer Geek Run - Training Weeks 1 and 2

So here we go, after seven years (probably more like thirty) of procrastination, running time is finally here.  A few weeks ago I hit the mean streets of Berkshire fully prepared to take on the world.  What followed was a short, sharp shock.   Running is hard and I'm not good at it.  More than that, people look at you very strangely if they find you standing red faced on the corner of the street, wearing a Jim Jefferies April 18th T-Shirt and shouting "No you run faster you chirpy bitch" at your phone.  Suffice to say session one did not go well (see below), in fact apart from some most excellent shoe shopping (more on that another day) and stopping to admire Wokinghams' finest knob vending establishment week one was not the greatest success.

The Knob Shop.  Yes, really. 

Post first run - not my best look.

Week 1
	Distance	Time	Ave Pace	Thoughts
04/09/2016	2.6km	God knows, a really long time…	Bad	What on earth am I doing? None of the other runners jiggle like this.  Why are they all so bloody smiley?  I wish the smarmy cow on my phone would shut up, she's not even running.  I'm going to to delete her when I get home, that will teach her!
05/09/2016	2.6km	20.04	7.43 min/km	Oh god. Oh god. Oh god. Ooooowwweee.
06/09/2016	Rest Day			My. Poor. Trotters. Must. Buy. Decent. Shoes.
07/09/2016	3.4km	25.13	7.28 min/km	My new shoes are so pretty.  Now I have wings and will fly high above the pavement. This might be OK.  Bollocks a hill.
08/09/2016	Rest Day			Sofa so comfy.
09/09/2016	4.4km	33.08	7.33 min/km	Um, where am I?  I think I'm going to be late for work….
10/09/2016	Rest Day			I'm going to drink a lot of cider today.  After I've walked up this big hill…

Having survived week one (and enjoyed a rather cheering jolly to Exmoor) I have to admit I was feeling pretty pleased with myself and week 2 was nowhere near as awful as its predecessor, at some points I would go as far as admitting it was vaguely enjoyable.  Swapping from the horrid run yourself thin and depressed app to MapMyRun was also a big step in the right direction.

Week 2
	Distance	Time	Ave Pace	Thoughts
11/09/2016	Rest Day			I love Exmoor.  I'm going to eat a cream tea and run when I get home.  Now I feel a bit sick.  Maybe no running….
12/09/2016	3.67km	29.28	8.02 min/km	Running after work, this is fun.  Crystal Palace Park is pretty.  Bloody hell it's hot.
13/09/2016	Rest Day			I feel bad not running.
14/09/2016	4.6km	37.17	8.08 min/km	Wow, Wokingham has a park!  And big hills!  This is my off-road training.  I may finally be getting the hang of this…
15/09/2016	Rest Day			I like gin.  Gin is my friend.
16/09/2016	Rest Day			I think today I would like to mainly by under my duvet.
17/09/2016	4.58	30.32	6.4 min/km	Go! Go! Go! That's nearly halfway there.  Any there were swans.  I think I'll have some wine now.

So after two weeks spirits were high with regards to both running and consumption.  I discovered the joy of running around parks and lakes rather than housing estates, and feeling of actually earning a day on the sofa.  It seemed that completing the 10k in a decent time would actually be achievable!  Then badness happened...

Run Beer Geek Run - The Charity Bit

Nearly five years ago I lost a very dear friend.  Graham suffered from Multiple Sclerosis, a condition which could often make it difficult for him to get about, move this hands or function in a way that I take for-granted every day.  Despite this, or maybe because of it, he was one of the most joyful, happy and kind hearted people I have ever met, never complaining and always putting other people before himself, no matter how much pain or discomfort he was in.   He also had a quite staggering appetite for curry.

G and I, mid curry club.

The NHS describes Multiple Sclerosis as "(MS is) a condition which can affect the brain and/or spinal cord, causing a wide range of potential symptoms, including problems with vision, arm or leg movement, sensation or balance.

The main symptoms include:

• fatigue
• difficulty walking
• vision problems, such as blurred vision
• problems controlling the bladder
• numbness or tingling in different parts of the body
• muscle stiffness and spasms
• problems with balance and co-ordination
• problems with thinking, learning and planning"

It's a daunting list but Graham dealt with any symptoms with a smile and an overwhelming amount of good humour.  I only wish that I could learn to deal with obstacles in the same way.  

It seems to be one of life's most painful ironies that (to badly quote the song) you really don't know what you've got until it's gone.  Had I thought for a moment that I wouldn't have G in my life for many many years I hope I would have been a better friend, making the effort to see him more rather than getting caught up in my own existence would have most definitely been my gain.  I wish I had told him quite how much he meant to me, how much I valued his kindness towards me, how amazing I thought he was.  Admittedly that would most probably have made us both feel exceptionally awkward but I wish I had done so all the same.

In November I will be running the Adnams 10k to raise money for the Multiple Sclerosis Society  and in memory of my lovely lovely friend.  The MS Society works to both support sufferers and to research cures and treatments.  They are an organisation Graham actively supported, mainly by encouraging the excessive consumption of cake which now seems like a far more sensible option than this running malarkey.   If you would like to donate to this great cause, please visit my Just Giving page by clicking on the link.  This will not only give you a nice warm fuzzy feeling but will also give you the right to laugh at my exhausted huffing puffing state as I drag myself over the finish line and crawl to the nearest bar.

Any support you can give would be really appreciated, no matter how small.  Thank you. 

Run Beer Geek Run

It's been quite a while since I last wrote anything here, 2 years, 8 months and 10 days to be precise.  In that time many things have changed, I've got divorced, moved half way across the country, changed jobs (twice) and have discovered that life isn't quite as easy as advertised.  Much of the last few years has been hard.  Some of it has seemed intolerable.  However despite the tough moments I now feel (if you ignore some momentary wobbles) more myself than I have ever been before.  I have learnt the power of friendship and feel so grateful to have such amazing and supportive friends and family, people who know my faults and short comings and love me all the same.  I have had adventures, and learnt how to build a life, a small one for now but all mine; and I have people in my life now that I never want to dream of being without.  I have also discovered that anything is possible if you put your mind to it.

And so, in this, my year of being 30 I decided to start saying yes to things, to do things that I never thought I would or could, and that, it seems, includes running.  Running 10k.   In November.

Now I'm aware that for many people running is quite a normal thing, some people even seem to enjoy it.  Weirdos.  I'm also aware that for other people 10k really isn't that far - my amazing friend Belinda once turned up to watch the Adnams 10k (the race I'm entering) in jeans and accompanied by a rather hairy golden retriever.  They (both her and the dog) proceeded to get round for "fun" in a great time, seemingly without either of them breaking a sweat.

I however am definitely not built for running.  It makes me jiggle in all the right places plus many of the wrong ones.  It makes me sound like a steam train after minutes and is generally one of the least pleasant ways to spend time I have ever some across.   I like sofas and pubs, beer and pizza, not lycra and early mornings, stretches and sprints.  The idea of running 10k actually makes me feel a little bit sick and this will certainly be the biggest physical challenge I have ever set myself.  However for the past seven years I have been standing on the sidelines cheering people on, handing out water (and beer), getting obsessive over timing sheets and looking awful in high-vis thinking "that looks fun"; "it can't be that hard" and "I'll definitely run it next year."  And so, in this my year of saying yes, finally I have signed up, am hitting the pavements and will be sweating my way around the course in what I would imagine will be a highly unattractive manner.  I'm planning to blog my training progress, mainly so that I have a reason not to give up!

I will be running in memory of my friend Graham (more on that to come) and in aid of the MS Society.  You can sponsor me or donate in exchange for the comedy value of me running here , and make sure that I'm getting out of bed to train on this blog or on Twitter at @BeerFaerie #RunBeerGeekRun.  If you want to get involved Adnams is always looking for volunteers, you can find out more here and if you sign up you'll get the pleasure of seeing me crawling to the bar afterwards for yourself.  There's also some very decent beery goody bag action.